So I'm writing the entry in english 'cause it kind of applies to the context.

Not that I'm being a drama queen or a complete overreactive idiot, it's just that I always kind of felt I was out of place. Again, without being tragic or dramatic. Just...different.

It's as if you were now forced to live in the jungle, you adapt yourself to the condition and you may even make friends and be very happy and confident and whatever. But you're still from the city and you feel it.

Ok, stupid example.

But it feels as if I was born in another place, as if I got used to this and learned to live here and were actually happy, but as if this still were not my place.

I always watch American movies (not to say British movies) and I'm just like "this is so cool I wanna live there". 'Cause I feel that is my place, I feel I was born there and taught to live in Uruguay. All the time.

'Cause we're too tiny, we know each other perfectly well. Even though I can be truly socially insignificant, I know people in other schools know my name and stuff. I HATE that. It's like society is silently but constantly forbiding anonimty. God what if I want to be no one? No, I can't. I'm still the (kind of artsy kind of crazy kind of creepy) girl from 4th grade from St Brendan's. And I'm just forced to stick to that.

It kind of difficults originality and self improvement a LOT. You do feel judged.

'Cause I spend like, 90% of my time with my friends criticizing the other people (the other bitches). Like there's this girl who is so thin (used to be fatter and full of cellulitis and that's SO annoying 'cause she did get thinner and now she's pretty AND thin) and has such an amazing hair and she doesn't have any problem in her face (she could get rid of some pimples and black spots on her nose but nobody gives a shit about that) and she's stunning according to each and every boy in the world. But she keeps borrowing everybody's clothes and it's like GET SOME STUFF OF YOUR OWN, DUDE, SERIOUSLY. I've absolutely had it with lending her my newly bought clothes. So go to a fucking shop and get your own dress.

I guess there's something human in all this criticism 'cause it does break my heart to see that she gets every single guy in the world to think that she's actually as pretty as humanly possible (for me she's actually not, she's just thin and good looking, no such big deal) and my friends who are as twice as much as her when it comes to their worth, can't get the guys they like to even look at them. Because they're struck at this bitch who's got nice hair, 3 neurons and borrowed clothes. FUCK-YOU.

So, back to the point, I know I criticize other people myself, so I know that other people must criticize me too. And it's annoying, 'cause, like, can't just everybody not give a shit about the rest of the world? Where the fuck has introspective gone? Nobody knows.

So I just wanna leave, it's not that I hate this world or that I'm gonna go suicide right now, but I just want some temporary disconnection from the world. And meet new people and be new.

'Cause I want people to actually understand. 'Cause when I feel good, I always get the feeling people are not getting my feeling. I'm either over excited ot not happy enough or whatever. I don't think I know of somebody I think that feels the same way I do.

The same way when I'm down. It's like they don't get your sadness, they don't get that you wanna go right now and kill that bitch and remove absolutely all her hair from her head so she's bald and you actually do feel ok with that. You don't feel guilty or bad or want to take back what you just said. You just wanna openly murder the person.

But people get freaked out, they observe you like what the fuck is wrong with you. Or they just pretend they get how you feel. Yeah you must be so happy! Oh yeah I am, but you're not happy for me, so stop faking.

There are some people I do get the feeling they understand, that they feel the same way I do when they say they feel happiness or sadness. So thanks friends, you rock.

I still want to leave, anyways. Like to Japan or Australia or Cyprus or Madagascar. Wherever, but somewhere real far.

Yeah.